Entry 26

It's been a long time since I have even been on this site, let alone wrote what was going on in my life. So much as changed and for the better. Devin and I got engaged over Christmas and it looks as if he will be moving back in a week or so. Although I still live for the weekends and find it hard to sleep alone when he is not here, things have gotten a lot easier. He left yesterday for what could possibly be the last time.

I bought my wedding dress in February and it is ready for alternations at Davids Bridal. It is so beautiful, I can not wait to walk down the isle into his arms and be announced as his wife. My parents are talking about buying us a house and us paying the payments directly to them. What a wonderful gift that would be. All the chips are falling into place right now, life is beautiful.

Love
Halie

Entry 25

I only look forward to the weekends anymore. I know that he is going to be here tomorrow and I can ignore the world til Sunday night early Monday morning. I am so terribly lonely and I know he feels the same way.

I am depressed and my family doesn't even seem to notice. They don't even seem to notice me. It's always about Kylie these days. Hello did you forget about me, you child that doesn't always get in trouble. Like heres an example i went to the grocery store with my mom today and she had a one track mind on what Kylie needed for lunchs while she was going to WAMS. Hello she wouldn't be going to this if she didn't get in trouble. I have managed to never get in trouble, why can't she.

I don't know maybe I just have a short fuse lately. But come on.

Entry 24

I need you now......

I have so many happy memories of the 7 years we spents together. I haven't thought about him in months and then I walk into the gym and see his face standing in front of me. It was enough to knock the wind out of my lungs and I could feel the tears. I know you have to let the past go to move on, but I have no closure at all. I still save the old voicemails because listening to his voice brings back everything for me.

I would love to go on vacation to the big apple but I don't know if mentally I am ready for that. I know it's a big city and I would never see him there, but knowing he would be less then 30 minutes away maybe still hurt to bad.

How do you le it go? I really need help.

Entry 24

Entry 23

I love that you are trying to be sneaking...but seriously lets be honest you suck at it. I know for a fact you are going to pull into my drive way in less then 45 minutes but I am going to do what a amazing girl friend should do, I'm going to act like that I was completely clueless. I am going to make you believe that I had no idea and that I still thought you were coming in the morning.

It's not that act that mathers, it's really the thought that counts. God I love you.

Entry 22

The Bahamas was wonderful I wish we would have never come home. Everything seemed so perfect in that island paradise and now I feel like my world is spinning out of controll. When we were away and it was just him and I, I forgot about being sick and just lived every moment to the fullest. Nothing could break us, we were on Cloud 9. And then we land back in Michigan and I get the heart renching news that you are moving back to West Branch to go to school. It's been days since I've had this news and sometimes I feel like we can do this and other times I feel like I am drowning to breathe.

You are my shinning light after so long, nothing makes sense when you aren't here. I just wish I had an idea of how often we are going to be able to see each other. My fear is, your going to forget about me and find someone better. And no matter how many times you tell me that isn't going to happen, it's still in the back of my head.

Entry 21

Thank you for comng back into my life. It's been years the summer before we started highschool was the last time we were even remotely this close. We have both changed so much as people in those years, but it's easy to see we are the same two kids who had that amazing summer together. Talking to you last night for over an hour was something I needed so badly I can't even explain it to you, you took me back to one of the happiest times of my life. Before I got sick and before you got cancer. When all that matter was sneaking out of the house and making out in the woods. I wish I was that care free spirit now, the girl who would do anything when it came to you, speed bumps included. Instead we sit miles apart talking over the computer still not saying a million and one things on our minds. The what ifs in my head are endless. I can't explain to you how you made me feel then or how you still make me feel now because it would just be wrong. There are complications boyfriends, wives and beautiful children. Just know I am happy your here and loosing you again would break my heart.