Entry 16

I saw "My Sisters Keeper" tonight and all I could think through the whole movie was how it paralleled my life. Although I would be the sick sister in our story. No one ever really thought of all she had to go through and still goes through when things get bad for me. Honestly I don't even know if the two of us have had a conversation about how shes feels when I get sick. My parents really have always focused on me when it comes down to it. I feel like I really need to say sorry for that. Although she will never understand what it feels like to be me, sometimes like the girl in the movie I wish I could just give up. It really sucks to not be normal.

Entry 15

Mark is on a road trip on his way home, I have such butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it. He gives me this giddy feeling everytime we talk and I seriously think I may just faint when I see him in a few days. I know that we have been friends for over 10 years now but I still get so speechless when he is standing infront of me. I really hope we get to spend some quality time together and get to maybr talk somethings out. He should be here in a few days. ::sigh::

Entry 14

A day filled with medical issues....

I know that it's not right to have a pity party about this but sue me it's about to happen so if you don't want to read it, just skip right on over this entry. I have spent the past 23 years of my life being the sick child in my family. I mean I have good weeks, even months but most of my life I have had to be careful because everything makes me sick or can lead to it. Today was just one of those days when I wanted to scream from the roof tops how much I hate HYDROCEPHALUS!! I wish I could just be normal for a minute. For god sake I can't even sneeze without getting a headache, that is about crazy. It was one damn sneeze and I officially suffered for over 2 hours that's bull shit.

And then I finally went to see Dr. Feldman about the "clicking" in my left hip that has been going on since the stoke. Apparently I have tendinitis, which causes the clicking and the pain. So now I am in more pain because the asshole stuck a needle in it today and injected it with medicine. OUCH!! It's numb and I can barely walk.

Today sucked. Oh yeah and I can't sleep!!!

Entry 13

I am so excited we are going to see Clay Walker tonight at DTE, I just realy hope it doesn't rain. The last time I saw him I went with Nicholas and it was freezing I need to redo it and make a new memorie. I need to forget about things Nick and I did together. I need to forget about the person I knew because he doesn't exisit anymore. She killed him.

Entry 12

I don't know why I do it, why I read old emails between us. It was years ago but god it feels like yesterday that he walked out of my life for her. It makes me sick inside how much I have missed since they have been together. Sal god married, had a baby and Johns loving grandma passed away. The only way I know all of these things is bcause of things he posts on facebook. It is so sick how things change over time. We use to talk hours every single day and never run out of things to tell one another. I honestly can't remember the sound of his voice for the life of me. Maybe that is for the best. I took apart or scrapbook, because I need to use it for something more possitive. I know what everyone thinks when I talk about how it still kills me inside, just get over it. It was so long ago. Honestly somedays I am just fine and others it feels like it just happened and I want to crawl into a ball. It's the little things that trigger the pain. I wonder if he still thinks about me. Should I try to email him? I had a dream about him the other night it was so real I had tog et out of bed to get him out of my head. I hate that I hate thinking about him, I use to love it.

Entry 11

Rest In Peace

Entry 10

Getting more excited about the cruise as it gets closer, it is offically 61 days from today that we all get on a plane and head to Florida. I am so looking forward to all the family shanagans that we will be getting into together. I need the sunshine badly. Devin and I rolled all the change we have saved in the past few months it surprised us that we had already saved over $80. I am getting so excited!!