Entry 12

I don't know why I do it, why I read old emails between us. It was years ago but god it feels like yesterday that he walked out of my life for her. It makes me sick inside how much I have missed since they have been together. Sal god married, had a baby and Johns loving grandma passed away. The only way I know all of these things is bcause of things he posts on facebook. It is so sick how things change over time. We use to talk hours every single day and never run out of things to tell one another. I honestly can't remember the sound of his voice for the life of me. Maybe that is for the best. I took apart or scrapbook, because I need to use it for something more possitive. I know what everyone thinks when I talk about how it still kills me inside, just get over it. It was so long ago. Honestly somedays I am just fine and others it feels like it just happened and I want to crawl into a ball. It's the little things that trigger the pain. I wonder if he still thinks about me. Should I try to email him? I had a dream about him the other night it was so real I had tog et out of bed to get him out of my head. I hate that I hate thinking about him, I use to love it.